Don't hate me because I'm omnipotent. Forget all those other "self-help" or "advice" columns... they don't know what they're talking about. Question about your girlfriend? Carl can help. Hey, what's this open sore? I know what it is and how to treat it! Who's gonna win the Super Bowl? Ask away, I know all! I created you; I have your best interests in mind. Take my advice.

Ask Carl: