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From The Editor: Saddam, Sharpton & Me december 15 2003, 12:48 am
submitted by: normal mc

Surreal is what it was, waking up to snow and Saddam's bearded mug on every channel known to man. The timing is off, though - if Bush wanted to, he could've waited to either Christmas morning or October of next year to pull this filthy Arab rabbit out of his hat, as the final 'secret re-election weapon'. That would've been a bit fishy, though.

And I think I speak for every bloodthirsty, pro-gun, right-wing here when I say: wouldn’t it have been cooler if we sprung proudly from that hole in Tikrit with his head on a stick?

Well, it didn’t happen that way, and now justice can be served. Yeah, you know… good, old-fashioned, new Iraqi regime justice. I’ll be honest here, watching that footage of Saddam’s cheek being swabbed, the tongue depressor, the amazing before and after ‘here’s the magic of Gillette’s MACH 3’ photos, watching all that was so much fun that I’m hoping in quick succession we find:

Andy Kaufman
That Dru chick

That, my friends, would be a miracle. Say what you will about this all taking so long, all the blather about how it took so long for us – with all of our toys and intelligence – to find a man in a hole in a ground in his old home town, but this is good. This is good news. Apologies aside, this man was a tyrant and above all – an asshole. Make the inevitable GWB comparisons in the comments, friends. We should all be a little happier today, a little more ‘light on our feet’. Why? Well, because it’s good to know that there is one more mass-murderer off the streets, even if those streets are in Tikrit.

The Gallagher Brothers can give you tips.

And let me add this: that suitcase of cash better go directly to the Democratic Party, so they can get Dick Gephardt convincing false eyebrowsm because that shit he has up there now is not working. How long has this guy been running for President - 16 years? He makes Susan Lucci look like the New York Yankees. Drop out now, maybe Dean will let you ride his coat-tails to sure defeat in November.

But here’s my favorite part of it all – reaction. Leave it to those running for the Democratic nomination to act like a bunch of pissy little bitches. Did you hear what Kerry said?

“If we had done this with a sufficient number of troops, if we had done this in a globalized way, if we had brought more people to the table, we might have caught Saddam Hussein sooner. We might have had less loss of life. We would be in a stronger position today with respect to what we're doing.”

Most everyone else – Kucinich, Dean, Gephardt, Braun, Edwards, Clark – were congratulatory and celebratory in their comments. Sharpton, who was very funny on ‘SNL’ a few weeks back, shared my sentiments:

“Now that they have achieved the capture of Hussein, they should appeal to the U.N. to come in with a multilateral redevelopment plan. This is all the more reason this war should come to an immediate end.”

Not saying I am one to agree with a man who forced a poor, black teenage girl to fudge the facts about a rape and ensuing garbage bag drop-off, but he makes a point. Can we use the fact that the MAJOR goal of this entire Iraq exercise has been accomplished to finally let some of our friends help clean up the mess? Amen, Reverend Al, amen. I think it's time I 'got on the bus' and explore with Reverand Al. He's my early choice, subject to change. Why? Because he's big, black, jolly and has no chance in hell. Always pick an underdog in these cases.

And then there is Lieberman. Never let an opportunity to slander the front-runner go to waste, even if it is on the heels of an impressive military action:

“On the question that we're celebrating today, Howard Dean throughout this campaign has said he wasn't sure that Saddam really represented a threat to us. At one point he said, 'I suppose the Iraqis are better off with Saddam Hussein gone.' I would say this, and this is a choice the voters have to make in the primaries. If Howard Dean had his way, Saddam Hussein would be in power today, not in prison.”

What a dick. Who’d have thought that of all these people, I’d find myself pulling for conched-hair black man with a sad history of sweat suits? Raise your hands.

Not a winner among this group. See you in 2008.

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gnomeloaf 942 posts
comment no. 1

I could be wrong but I believe Lieberman also said that Saddam should be tried by a US military tribunal. If that's true, I'm officially at a loss as to which of his ideas is more crackpot -- that or all of his blah blah blah about decency in the entertainment industry.

Top 2 Eyestabbingly Annoying Things People Say Now That Saddam Has Been Captured:
1. "Do you think this means we'll get bin Laden now?"
2. "Yay, our troops will come home earlier!"

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