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Lindsay Lohan: Speak december 4 2004, 04:29 pm
submitted by: normal mc

Lindsay Lohan

Admittedly I have a big boy crush on Lindsay Lohan. It's sad, I know it. When I first heard she was working on an album, I shrugged it off. Lindsay - concentrate on thing, please. Just work on the 'looking pretty'. Forget the acting and forget the music. Remember to look your best for E! and the rest. That's all we ask. Even so, I'm sure that whatever she winds up doing in her career, I'll follow. Bad teen movies, break-ups with young Hollywood prettyboys, nude pictorials - I'm there.

So when I saw 'Speak' available free and illegally over the internet, did I jump at the chance? You bet your ass! Right off the bat, this isn't your typical 'teen queen' experience. Unless of course you count Avril as a 'teen queen', which would classify 'Speak' as 'typical'.

I say right off the bat because 'First', the first track on the album (go figure) has - gasp - real instruments! Not a bad nu-riot grrrl fist pumper. I caught myself tapping my feet while driving along, I must confess. Pro-Tools or not, Lohan can sing a bit. 'A bit' of course is the key phrase. For every enjoyable, credible moment, there is a fair share of cringe-worthy as well. 'Symptoms of You' suffers from Lohan's lack of vocal polish (soaunds like bad karaoke, and I know a thing or two about that). Added to the sophomoric journal-esque lyrics - there is a left kinda right/a wrong kinda right - and you have possibly the worst song recorded in recent memory.

On 'Disconnected' I thought I heard her sing 'I'm only not lonely when I'm lonely by myself'. Did she steal that from a Farley 'Soapbox'?

'Rumors' - Miss Lohan's big 'fuck you' to the 'haters' - is a laugh out loud ironyfest. She rails about the paparazzi, asks for privacy, asks why we'd 'want to bring her down', etc. Lindsay - I don't want to bring you down - I want to put you on a pedestal... and do nasty, nasty things to you.

Of course she can't take much credit for any of this - this album was produced within an inch of it's life. Every trick in the book - megaphone chorus, phase shifter type effects, big ballads and club anthems - they're all here. Every song for the most part deals with fake relationships, but you can't title your debut CD '11 Songs About Wilmer Valderrama' can you? (This isn't actually her 'debut' per se... she had a limited release a few years ago titled 'Mom, Why Am I Bleeding?') She's apparently packed a lot of living into her young life - heartbreak, being passed over for someone else, another broken heart and then - yes - she had her heart broken! But it's innocuous background music, worthless pop-smear, par for the course. But it is Lindsay and well...

She's hot. The album drops on the 7th, a great birthday present for me.

For the album...

For her breasts

comments...   add a comment...

dj tanner
dj tanner 4789 posts
comment no. 1

That it? Two Arfies for her breasts? Oh, one for each? HA! Genius!

farlupulous 3353 posts
comment no. 2

I love it. I must admit that i became infected with her new song/video. video moreso. But also thanks normal for never letting me down or out of a post. and YES she did steal that. You represent me and we will win millions.And get to see her in a cute "court outift"

dog e style
dog e style lurker
comment no. 3

Man...Do I want to give it to her :-\

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